- Actors: Terrence Jenkins, Cassie Ventura, Donald Faison, Dascha Polanco, Kali Hawk
- Director: Billie Woodruff
- Format: AC-3, DTS Surround Sound, NTSC, Subtitled, Widescreen
- Language: English
- Subtitles: English, Spanish
- Region: Region A/1
- Number of discs: 1
- Rated: R
- Studio: LIONSGATE
- Release Date: July 19, 2016
- Run Time: 96 minutes
Nothing about
this film was perfect, including the title. I’m actually at a loss for words,
astounded at how atrociously bad a film like this can be. It takes a special
kind of disaster to ruin a movie following a structure as predictable as
romantic comedy. Essentially all you need for a conventional narrative like
this is good chemistry between the leads, and this is only the first of many
stumbles for The Perfect Match.
The plot for The Perfect Match is so generic that I wouldn’t bat an eye if told
it were a remake. Charlie (Terrence Jenkins) is a successful agent with a
beachside home and a popular Instagram to show off his photography hobby, which
is mostly used to get a variety of attractive women into bed. Charlie’s four
closest friends are coupled off and constantly give him a hard time for being
single, betting him he can’t date the same girl for an extended period of time.
Predictably, Charlie chooses to date Eva (Cassie Ventura), who makes it clear
that she is only interested in a casual relationship.
Though this
relationship is at the center of the narrative, this amateurish screenplay
gives them very little time together. After a horrible meet-cute in a trendy
juice shop that Charlie frequents, Eva basically only reappears in the story
for the occasional sex scene. The most significant element of a romantic comedy
is the relationship between the two leads, but it is near impossible to believe
any feelings are developed when all they have are two sex scenes in bathrooms
and an amateur photo shoot in Venice.
It doesn’t help that the lead actors have zero chemistry, mostly due to awful
casting choices more interested in fame than talent.
Terrence Jenkins
has built his career on being a television host, flashing his go-to smile with
ease but unable to make any of the poorly written dialogue convincingly human.
Jenkins isn’t helped by the fact that nearly all the script provides him is
awkwardly presented exposition, including a constant regurgitation of Charlie’s
“rules” with women, but even he comes off as a movie star compared to Cassie
Ventura’s half-assed attempt at acting. Despite not being a good actor, at
least Jenkins gave the appearance of trying, while the musician and former
model is a complete zombie every time she is onscreen. Apparently nobody told Ventura that acting is
more than just looking pretty and disinterested, because she has all of the
energy and personality of a rock. Despite her lack of screen time making the
central relationship even harder to believe, I was just thankful that the
amount of time I had to endure Ventura’s
horrendously lifeless performance.
To
make up for the missing scenes of romance between the implied leads, The Perfect Match spends a great deal of
its run-time on sub-plots and the relationships of Charlie’s friends, none of
which are very kind in their portrayal of women. Although Charlie’s two guy
friends, Rick and Victor (Donald Faison and Robert Christopher Riley), are
thoughtful and sensitive men in committed relationships, their significant
others are portrayed as irrationally angry women. Rick’s wife Pressie (Dascha
Polanco) is so irritated at their failed attempt to get pregnant that she
constantly complains about not wanting to have sex with her husband anymore.
Victor is in the process of planning a wedding with Ginger (Lauren London), who
naggingly insists on spending as much money as needed to have the trendy
wedding she has dreamt of. Nearly every female character is portrayed as angry,
bitchy, and/or completely selfish in their actions, with the possible exception
of Charlie’s sister (played by an overly upbeat Paula Patton).
None of these performances are good
enough to make up for the shortcomings of the screenplay and filmmaker Bille
Woodruff’s inability to direct actors. He handles the sex scenes well, mostly
because they are sanitized and glossily presented like the music videos most of
his experience has come from. The other problem with these performances begins
with casting, as it is obvious that many were chosen for their established
fanbase rather than the talents they don’t possess. Many likely know Polanco
from her role on “Orange
is the New Black,” but this performance is far from proof that she can exist
outside of that role. I never thought she was the strongest actress on the
Netflix series, but at least it was less apparent under the supervision of more
talented directors and editors.
Fortunately for Polanco (and
unfortunately for audiences), she is not the worst casting choice. With Charlie’s
ambiguous job as an agent that represents everyone from rappers to YouTube
“stars,” and inexplicably even a cell phone app, there is plenty of room for
uncomfortable cameos as supporting performances from minor celebrities playing
themselves. Many of these are not actors, and while screenplay makes fun of the
idea of a Vine star, the production buys into this shameless trend in casting.
If anyone actually sees this film because they are a fan of an internet star
with a cameo, they deserve every bit of this crappy film. I’m sure it will be
an improvement on their usual online entertainment, while The Perfect Match is almost unwatchable for those accustomed to
actual talent.
The Blu-ray release comes with a
Digital HD copy of the film, especially for those accustomed to watching things
on the internet rather than a television. The special features include three
generic featurettes, covering the making of the film and the comedic elements
attempted. There is also a cast and crew commentary track in which they have
more fun watching the film than I imagine any audiences will. It may seem like
I’m being unfairly harsh on this film. Let me put it this way; as I was
watching The Perfect Match, I
actually began to long for the cinematic stylings of Tyler Perry.
Entertainment Value:
3.5/10
Quality of
Filmmaking: 2/10
Historical
Significance: 0/10
Special Features: 3.5/10
No comments:
Post a Comment