Actors: Ian Duncan, Daniel Faraldo, Caitlyn Folley, Diana Garcia
Director: Bernard Rose
Writer: Eric Reese
Producers: Eric Reese, Sebastian Aloi
Format: Multiple Formats, Blu-ray, Widescreen
Aspect Ratio: 1.85:1
Number of discs: 1
Studio: Well Go USA
Release Date: July 15, 2014
Run Time: 85 minutes
I’m assuming that this horrendously obnoxious found-footage horror film is called SX_Tape because Sex Tape had been taken by the comedy starring Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel, and by that assumption I am giving the filmmakers more credit than they deserve. If they chose to call it SX_Tape (or sxtape, as it is listed on IMDB) to be hip or different for some reason, it would actually be more fitting for the garbage contained within this sad excuse for a narrative. I would rather watch the home footage of a real teenager rather than endure this awful movie ever again. I’m tempted to destroy the review screener just to ensure nobody else accidentally wastes their time watching this.
The storyline is virtually nonexistent, but that might have been endurable if it weren’t for the characters in the film. Not a single portrayal represents anything remotely relatable, and the actors show their inexperience at the first need for actual acting. For Caitlyn Folley, who plays Jill, this moment comes in the opening scene. In typical fashion of found footage horror, we begin with the police interview footage which takes place after the incident has occurred. Jill is unbelievably (I mean, I really did not believe her in the slightest) distressed at the death of her friends, which gives the movie excuse to take an hour setting up a situation where this will occur. Jill is more irritating than the worst teenage girl, and we are forced to endure the entire film with her image in the primary focus, since her whiny boyfriend Adam (Ian Duncan) is behind the camera.
They are aspiring artists, which is an added element of annoyance on top of everything else obnoxious that they do and say in the lengthy running time of 85-minutes. When they break into an abandoned hospital, the storyline gets as predictably irritating as these characters are eventually joined by two more asinine failures in screenwriting. Bobby (Chris Coy) and Colette (Julie Marcus) arrive to give Jill and Ian a ride when their car gets towed, but all end up returning predictably into the rundown hospital. At least half of this film is just pointless footage of them roaming around the hospital. Bobby is instantly an unlikable character in every way, clearly designed for one purpose. Colette is even worse, however, designed to be a contradictory character that is simply there to serve each scene whatever it needs to move things along. She doesn’t have any other personality or purpose, which is fitting this entire film.
Apparently, whoever designed the sleeve for the DVD and Blu-ray releases was well aware of how awful this film was, because it is riddled with errors and writing that makes this entire endeavor even more amateur despite the veterans attached the production’s technical aspects. The character name for Jill’s boyfriend is incorrect, listing the name of the actor instead of the character. Then there are the awfully written segments filled with horrible tendy phrases which went out of fashion before the blurb was even printed. The whole thing is offensive to the intelligence of anyone old enough to watch this garbage. All this movie will end up being good for is masturbation material for fifteen-year-olds who are willing to fast-forward to the obligatory nude scenes from Folley.
The special features include a making-of featurette and a trailer.
Entertainment Value: 1/10
Quality of Filmmaking: 1/10
Historical Significance: 0/10